My Dinner

salt and malt vinegar
the real McCoy's
ridge cut
nothing but
crisps

I find comfort in the thought
that if you take out the monosodium glutamate
and overlook the maltodextrin
there's a little bit of vegetable
in every one

Cheap and Cheerful

like crabs
waiting to be cooked
no thought for comfort
no friendly introductions
and very little room
for elbows or toes
this is how we travel
on the Mega bus to Glasgow

Eat Skull

Museum Piece

all these patients with a reptile dysfunction
you'll need more than Viagra
now that you're a dinosaur

I know you're finding it hard
it's not your fault
don't feel bad
being prehistoric can be such a drag

all your friends are extinct
you may as well just stay in
can't do much dancing
inside of that reptile skin

just give yourself a break
there's no point giving in
it's true you're a little oversized
but at least you're not in a museum